Flux and Renewal :)

Good Morning :)

I live!!! I have survived the Plague!!!! I sincerely apologize for my extended absence from this blog, I've missed it so much! As those of you who follow The Kitchen Is My Canvas already know, I returned to the blogging world via my food blog a few weeks ago, after the Flu had abated. However, I took a lot longer to return to this blog. It's not that I lost interest in blogging, on the contrary, I missed it more every day, but every time I started to write a new post for this blog, it all sounded so negative. Basically, any post I started to write was just a repetition of the same thoughts and feelings I'd been having all winter. Being that sick for that long really took a toll on my health, physical, mental, and emotional. In a nutshell, this is how I was feeling from the end of January to the beginning of March:

-I'm exhausted
-I'm sick of being sick
-I strongly dislike my job and I want a better one, but if I get a full-time job, I won't have time for the Shakespeare Fesitval and other theatrical actvities, and those are very important creative outlets, they are what keep me sane.
- I'm broke, AGAIN. I'm terrified I'll be broke forever.

-I was put on mandatory bed rest twice and missed almost a month of work altogether
-Since my job has no benefits, when I don't work, I don't get paid
-As such, every cent I had in my savings account went to paying the bills and other life expenses like car repair, etc.
- Due to illness, I missed every audition I had hoped to attend this winter, including the Sterling auditions
- I felt like a terrible friend because I barely saw or spoke to any of my friends all winter, and others not at all
- I felt lost and overwhelmed, like I'd never be healthy again, and I'd never achieve any of the personal or career goals I'd set for myself. I realize that this is an irrational feeling, but when you're depressed and ill and broke, and your energy reserves are completely depleted, these feelings can get out of control.

 I started this blog for many reasons, but spewing negativity on a regular basis is absolutely not one of them. Those thought patterns are addictive and cyclical and I know that, and I won't perpetuate that cycle. I made a deal with myself that I would not post anything here until I had positive,constructive things to say. The last few months have been very difficult, but I refuse to dwell on them. They occurred and now they are over, and I am ready for a fresh start :) So now, here I am :)

 March brought the the first hints of Spring and the shot in the arm I needed to jump start my recovery in all senses. I went five straight weeks without illness (apart from some normal seasonal allergy/sinus stuff that I've been dealing with the last few days, but it's pretty minor) and I'm about to start my sixth. I was well enough to return to performing with Avon Repertory, and well enough to spend time with my friends and go out socially to the theatre, dinner, etc. I got to meet Michael's brother and go back to my Fairy-Tale Book Club. I put out several job applications, I haven't heard from any of them yet, but at least I put the feelers out, so to speak. I went to my first clothing swap with some of my Rochester ladies and I loved it :) I received a very decent-sized tax return. I've been cooking and blogging and reading. I've gone to the Farmer's Market twice and pretty soon I hope to be going every week. I've been planning an herb garden for the summer and watching the buds and shoots and other signs of new life returning to the world around me. I feel renewed and hopeful and restored, and for that I am deeply, deeply grateful.

In short, I'm back, and it's wonderful to be so :)

And now, for a 2011 Goal Check-in

Goal #1 Build Up My Savings: This one was up and down, as previously mentioned, I missed a lot of work, and so had to tap into my savings to keep my bills paid. However, I can't tell you how happy I was that I had the money there in my savings account to be utilized. It was down to one lonely little dollar for awhile, but I recently put $100 back in, and will be putting more in after this month's bills, so it's on the up and up :)

Goal#2: Posting in each of my blogs once a week: This one was rough. February was a wasteland of illness and depression. But, I went back to regularly posting in my food blog in early March, and here I am in early April for this blog, so I hit a downswing, but I'm recovering :)

Goal #3: Lose 30lbs: Actually, this is going pretty well. I lost quite a bit of weight when I was ill, but it wasn't healthy weight, it was * for basically the entire month of February all I could keep down was plain yogurt and dry cereal* weight. As soon as I started eating like a normal person again, the weight came back, but it needed to and I didn't mind.  There have been two recent developments that have helped me stay focused on my health and weight loss. One, my current place of employment is running a wight loss challenge. You get weighed once a week and if you lose weight or maintain, you don't have to pay, but if you gain weight you pay 5 cents for every ounce and $1 for every pound you gain. At the end of the challenge the person or people who lost the most weight get to split the money. This has been useful for helping me keep my portions more reasonable, because I know I'll have a weigh-in every Tuesday. Also, one of my dear friends introduced me to My Fitness Pal, a website that it sort of a cross between Weight Watchers and Facebook which lets you track your calorie intake and exercise and chart your fitness progress for FREE!!! I use it during the week to keep me in check and then I relax somewhat on the weekends for my mental health. With the help of these tools and my renewed energy, I've lost 7lbs since January, and I'm down from 162.4lbs in January to 155.4lbs in April. This is roughly where I expected I would be at this point in the year, give or take a pound or two, so I am pleased with progress in this area and I plan to continue :) Soon it will be warm enough to walk outside regularly, and I'm really looking forward to that.

Goal#4 Using my time more effectively: Oddly, I've been getting up early on the weekends so I can get the most out of my days off, but I'm still struggling with sleeping in on the weekdays. I think it's a defense mechanism because although I love my kids, I get more and more tired of my job every day, and by sleepin in I'm sort of delaying the inevitable, in my own mind, at least. However, I still manage to get up early enough to check my e-mail and other messages, eat breakfast, shower, make lunch and get out the door, which is definitely a good middle ground. I bought a Bulletin/Dry Erase Board for my room and every day I write down a few things to do that I want to accomplish, and it helps to keep me focused, so that been okay too. I want to do better, but at least I'm working on it actively.

The only thing still lingering is a feeling of flux. I don't really know what's going to happen next for me. I don't know where I should be, where I should go, or what I should be doing. "Should I move? Stay here? Go back to school? If so, where should I go?" and other such big life decision questions. However, rather than fighting these questions, I'm trying to embrace them. I really do hope that I am where I need to be right now and the answers will become clear in due time :)

I'll be back very soon :)


Love,
Lynn :)

Sick AGAIN

I am so sorry to do this, but I have to suspend blogging for a few more days. For the ninth time in 4 months, I am ill again, this time with the Flu. Even though I had a Flu shot, I still managed to contract Influenza B at the daycare. I am on Tamiflu, so hopefully it won't be quite as severe and will clear up a little faster, but I can only sit up for short periods of time, so blogging will be suspended until I am better, which hopefully won't be too long. I'll put  the same message up on my other blog. Send me all the health vibes you can spare!

Hopefully I'll be back soon :)
Lynn

Return to the Land of the Living

Helloooo!!!!
 I apologize for my absence. As you all know, my goal is to post in each of my blogs once a week, but last week I could not because I was very, very sick. To be honest, I've been sick off and on since the beginning of February. As you might recall, I had a double ear infection that laid me up for about a week, which is why I only did a quickie post the week before last. Sadly, the bulk of the infection never cleared up, my ears got better, but my sinuses only got worse. Last Tuesday I developed a fever/chills and body aches in addition to the severe sinus pain and headaches I was already experiencing. I was virtually bedridden for four days. I went to my doctor to be screened for the Flu (negative), and I also had  a lot of blood work done. The blood work showed that I had a lingering bacterial infection that the first round of antibiotics didn't clear up, plus a viral infection that my doctor first feared was Mono, but that was later ruled out because I already have the EBV Antibodies, which means I must have had Mono when I was a kid. Long story short, I was put on a stronger antibiotic to kick out the last of the the infection, and the virus was ruled to be of the garden variety, something I probably picked up at the daycare, since the children are always sick with one thing or another, and I had to just treat the symptoms and let it run it's course. The fever finally broke on Saturday, I spent the rest of the weekend recovering, and I returned to work on Monday. I am getting better every day. I have about 15% of the congestion still hanging on, and I still tire fairly easily, but I'm definitely on the mend. I would like to thank everyone who either took care of me in person or checked in on me via remote means, it really meant a lot to me :)

    I hadn't been that ill since I had the Flu in January of 2004. Most of the time I am only ill one to three times A YEAR. I've been sick off and on since I started working at the daycare. In the past three and a half months, I have had two stomach bugs, one head cold, three sinus infections (all of which required antibiotics), one double-ear infection(also requiring antibiotics)  and one virus with fever. I have been ill EIGHT times in three and a half months. This. Is. Insane. Don't get me wrong, the daycare I work for is very clean, and we are very careful about washing our hands and disinfecting the toys and whatnot, but there is only so much you can do. Children are constantly picking up germs, especially in winter, and whatever they have, they pass right to us, virtually all of the teachers I work with are also frequently ill.
 
   I cannot afford to be sick this often. Period. So although I love the children I care for, and I really like my co-workers, my days at the daycare are numbered. There are other reasons in play, but my health is the primary one. I will be staying for probably another month or so, as I have a co-teacher leaving for vacation and another co-teacher out for two weeks because of back surgery. The last thing I want to do is screw anyone over, but I am going to start the search for a new job. The question is, what to do? As I've said, my degrees are all in theatre, and I am very active acting and teaching with the Syracuse Shakespeare Festival and other local groups. SSF pays, but not enough to make a living, so I must continue to look for the dreaded *day job* while my quest to someday make my living only in the Arts continues. But what to do? I've done retail *shudder*, I've also done food service. In a pinch I could probably go back to that, as long as it was only for a few months, but I'd rather not if it was at all possible. Does anyone have a suggestion for a low stress/low annoyance day job with decent pay? Maybe in the Syracuse area? Toss it my way, I could really use the feedback.

Oh, and another question. Like I've said a bunch of times in this blog, my body has been through a lot these past few months, and I've been feeling pretty run down, and it's showing in my hair and skin and energy level. Can any of my hippie homeopathic buddies recommend some safe ways to get my vitality back? Help my liver get rid of all the antibiotics I've been on? Make my hair and skin shiny again? I just haven't felt like myself in awhile, and it'd be great to feel like me again :) Thank you!!! Sorry for the ranting, but the bottom line is I am getting better, and that's all that matters :)

Love,
Lynn

Link Love

Hello All!

I've been out of commission this week with a severe double ear infection, and I am only starting to feel better the last day or two, so sadly, blogging didn't really come together for me this week.   So, instead, may I humbly direct you to Smart, Pretty and Awkward ? I recently started following this blog after many recommendations from other bloggers that I follow. Tips and general advice on how to live smarter, feel prettier and less awkward, given in a totally original, sweet, funny and approachable way :) I'd love to meet this girl :) I'm totally hooked :)
Enjoy:)
Lynn

Progress on 2011 Goals for January :)

Hello!!!

  Technically this post should have gone up yesterday, but I wanted to wait until the last day of January to post it, and also because I have a rare and blessed day off and I can enjoy my computer time rather than having to rush through it :) Here is my progress on my goals for 2011 for the month of January. I have to say, I'm pleasantly surprised and actually kinda sorta proud of myself :)

Goal #1: Building up my Savings Account: This is progressing well. At a friend's recommendation, I have been putting approximately 10% of every paycheck into my saving's account, and when I receive any extra money, I am putting half of that away also. For full disclosure's sake, I took $50 out yesterday towards a nice dinner out with my boyfriend for our 6-month anniversary. But, I didn't use all of it, so the remaining money, along with the 10% from my next paycheck will go back into my saving's account at the end of this week. I will post an actual amount the next time I hit an even number :) So, in a nutshell, I have been making regular contributions to my savings account, which was the whole point, so I am pleased with my progress in this category over the past month.

Goal #2: Posting in each of my blogs at least once a week: YES!!! This goal I have kept very well. So far it has been once a week in both blogs, as I promised. As I said above, technically I should have posted this yesterday to meet my goal for last week, but I delayed it on purpose so I could write this on the last day of January. So, other than that, I'm spot-on, and will continue to be so. I'm working on posting even more frequently, but as long as I can continue with the once-a-week minimum, I am satisfied :)

Goal #3: Lose 30lbs: I have definitely lost weight, though an exact amount has been difficult to gauge. At the beginning of January, I weighed 162.4lbs. About ten days ago, I was down to 158.6lbs, which is a loss of almost 4lbs, but then things went a little haywire when I went on the antibiotics for my sinus infection. These interacted with my birth control pills and threw my whole cycle off. So, although my eating habits continue to improve, I've put a little weight back on, but I'm pretty sure it's hormonal *flux* weight. This morning I weighed 160.0 lbs, so, depending on how you look at it, I've lost between two and four pounds this month. Since my goal for this month was 2.5lbs, I've technically met it. I am satisfied, but not overjoyed. Hopefully next month will be a little more productive. I have certainly lost weight, and I am moving in a good direction :)

Goal #4: Using my time more effectively: This I have also showed some improvement on. I have been getting up about 45 minutes or one-hour earlier than I used to during the week, which has made my mornings much more relaxed, with a lot less running around :)

All in all, this month has been very productive, and I am pleased Hopefully I'll have even more good news at the end of February :)

Love,
Lynn

30 by 30: A Work In Progress

   I have always, to greater and lesser degrees, been a maker of lists. Grocery lists, packing lists, lists of classes I wanted to take, restaurants I wanted to visit,and on and on from there. Several of the bloggers that I follow have been posting lists of things that they want to accomplish. My dear friend Nubby over at The Adventures of Nubby Tongue and a relatively new source of awesome and inspiration for me, Sarah at Yes and Yes, just to name a few. My own dreams and wishes and the inspiration of these and other friends have moved me to to do the same. So, I give you the (currently unfinished) list of  thirty things I want to have accomplished or experienced by my thirtieth birthday, which will be November 20th, 2012. So, that gives me one year and 301 days (or, more simply, roughly one year and ten months) to accomplish what I have set down here :) Can I do it? I hope so. I think so. We'll see :)

  Let me be clear. I do not at all view turning thirty as a bad thing. In most ways I am very excited about it. I do not see it as the end of fun, or joy, or my youth, as so many societal messages seem to preach. I see it as a milestone, no more, no less. The end of one decade of my life and the beginning of another. As I advance through my life, I want to always have an eye toward new life experiences. This is a list of things that I would like to do before the next chapter of my life, which I'm sure will have no shortage of new adventures :)

30 Things to Accomplish by my 30th Birthday

1. Travel to California to visit Nubby and Pookie in San Francisco and Emily in Los Angeles.
2. Lose 30lbs.Or, lose at least two solid pant sizes and at least 8% of my total body fat. Yes, this is on my list of 2011 goals, but fitness and health will go beyond just the current year, so this goal is making an appearance here too.
3. Move to the greater NYC area (anywhere that is a train ride of 60 minutes or less into Manhattan)
4. Return to and stick with my Yoga Practice incorporating class sessions and at home sessions.
5. Attend services at a Unitarian Universalist Church. (This has been on my mind for awhile, but I was reminded of it when I saw it as one of Sarah's goals at Yes and Yes)
6. Take a Belly Dancing Class.
7. Go back to Europe.
8. Go back to Cape Cod.
9. Finish a queen size bed quilt.
10. Finish a Painting.
11. Lay naked in the rain. (stole this one from Nubby, but it's such a good idea I couldn't help it)
12. Achieve at least a conversational level of proficiency in American Sign Language.
13. Go on a weekend Meditation Retreat.
14. Try at least 5 new ethnic cuisines (Ethiopian, Vietnamese, etc)
15. Go Camping (as in, no running water, sleeping in a tent, cooking over a fire) for at least two nights.
16. Bathe in a Natural Hot Spring.
17. Make homemade cheese.
18. Attend a Music Festival.
19. Buy something totally frivolous, ridiculously expensive, and utterly fabulous.
20. Volunteer in a humanitarian program.
21. Organize, print and/or publish my photos in a forum other than Facebook.
22. Submit an entry to PostSecret.
23. Participate in a Flash Mob.
24. Sit for a nude photography session and/ or pose as a nude model for an art class.
25. Go on a Spa weekend, where I do nothing but rest and receive pampering body treatments.
26. Become a better photographer. Are there classes one can take? Books to read? I shall find out.
27. Go to an Oceanside Boardwalk.
28. Go to Colonial Williamsburg.

More to come!!!

As I said, this list is not yet finished, and I won't necessarily stop at 30 *things*, either. I will add to this list as I am inspired to do so :) Any input? Feedback? Advice? Tips? Please don't hesitate to let me know, I welcome any and all insight :)

Also, as soon as I figure out how, I will create a permanent tab in my blog for this list and for my 2011 goals. If anyone can help me do that, I would be extremely grateful :)

Aaaaaaaaaand GO!!!

Love,
Lynn

The Mystery of the Blizzard Photographs :)

I LOVE stories like this:

This is all summed up in the attached article, but in brief, an amateur film-maker found an apparently lost canister of film in Brooklyn's Prospect Park. Hoping to locate the owners, he took the film home, developed it, and the photos on the roll turned out to be some lovely and very artistic black and white photographs of the recent NYC blizzard, apparently taken by some tourists. The filmmaker has made a Youtube video of the photos and is searching for the owners of the photos. Go take a peek! Maybe you can help find the mystery photographers!!!

Love,
Lynn