Here are a few of my favorites :)
Two of my faves from childhood:
"What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow?
"Milk and Quackers!!!*
"How many inchworms does it take to make a foot?"
"None! Worms don't have feet!"
These two take a second to dawn on you:
'What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?"
"Anyone can mash potatoes!"
"What do you call four Spanish guys in quicksand?"
'Quattro Cinco" (if you don't speak Spanish you can skip this one)
One-Liners:
So, a Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender takes one look at them and says "What is this, a joke?" (rim shot!)
A guy walks into a bar, the next guy ducks. (rim shot!)
And just for good measure, one naughty joke, from the incomparable Ms. Sophie Tucker ;)
"So, I'm standing in the kitchen when in walks my boyfriend Ernie, and he says to me "Soph, if you could learn how to cook we could fire the chef". I turned to him and said 'Ernie, if you could learn how to f*%k we could fire the chauffeur!"
Don't know who it was that said that laughter is the best medicine, but they were so incredibly right ;)
Got a favorite joke? Lay it on me :)
(Keep it reasonably clean and respectful please)
xoxo
Lynnie
So a father has a son that was born with a massive birth defect: he was born only as a head. Well, the family got a long as best they could and took care of and loved their son. On his 21st birthday, to celebrate, the father takes his son to a bar for his first drink. The father walks in, puts his son's head up on the bar and says, "A beer for me, and one for the birthday boy!" So the bartender brings the drinks and the father helps the son take his first drink. After a moment, the boy's head shudders a bit and BAM! His torso appears! The father, stunned, can only chalk it up to the beer - since it's the only thing he's never done before - so he says, "Go on, son! Have another drink!" So he helps the son take another drink, and he shudders a bit, and bam! Out come his two arms. On his third drink, out come the boy's legs! The boy is so excited that he gets down from the bar and, in his excitement, he runs outside to try out his new body. As he's running out the door, he accidentally runs into the street and WHAM! He's hit by a truck and killed.
ReplyDeleteThe bartender just shakes his head and says, "That boy should have quit while he was a head."
*rimshot*
(I know, it's a lot of build up for a cheesy pay off ^_^ )
HAHA! I love that last one!
ReplyDeleteGreat! Loved the dirty joke best! :)
ReplyDeleteI would.